If only it mattered

[Vinicito]

I've never found a four-leaf clover, because I've never looked.
I've never seen the ocean, except in other's pictures.
I've never been in an airplane, only a helicopter once.
I've never traveled freely, not knowing where I'd sleep.
And I've never loved myself, never give myself a chance.
All these things are unimportant, or so I tell myself.
I am a ponderer, a philosopher, a prophet, and a naive.
An invert, but not shy, it is a chosen fate.
I never get bored, or lonely, but am admittedly lackluster.
If only it mattered.
What have you done or not done, that you wish you hadn't or had ?
What memories haunt you, what thoughts make you sad ?
Have you ever pushed yourself too far, then pulled away ?
Have you ever touched yourself deeply, and if so, is that gay ?
Where do you go when you dream, is it in a safe place ?
Where have nightmares taken you, have you seen a cruel face ?
If you know where you are going, is the trip the only fun ?
If you're lost, with no direction, should you walk or should you run ?
When things are dark and dreery, do you wish that you weren't here ?
When things are bright and cheery, doesn't it all just seem so clear ?
Could there be no rhyme or reason, no secret to unlock ?
You are either free to live in their world, or trapped in your own box.
If only it mattered.